Many moons ago I was an enthusiastic art student, determined to form a career in the arts. I travelled as far away from my native Wales as possible (to Newcastle University), in the hope that I would form some sort of creative and personal independence. This had nothing to do (of course) with my then boyfriend attending nearby Durham university!
Before this turn of events (in comprehensive school) I had become very passionate about the Welsh language. I couldn’t say that for my fellow students, who weren’t so happy about a half GCSE being thrust upon them, which they often expressed by thrusting things and colourful words around the Welsh classroom. Of course the teachers played fair and occasionally a board rubber or choice words (in English) would return. I decided to take a full GCSE in Welsh. By the end of it I would say that I was confident conversationally and keen to continue learning the language. However when it came to college education, Welsh wasn’t on offer, so it stopped there.
My family are a mix of Welsh mining stock, chapel-goers and Pembrokeshire-originating nature lovers. We didn’t have tonnes of money growing up but we didn’t go without by any means. My mother is a talented artist who depicts beautiful expressionistic landscapes in her paintings. My father is an academic but has always been an enthusiast of the great outdoors. Myself and my siblings have all, at some point, spent a walk through the North Wales mountains or Welsh coastline on his back. Our family did not really speak Welsh although my parents did attend adult Welsh classes.
As well as being a talented botanist, my maternal grandfather was an excellent story teller. When I went to university I became curious about what history Wales laid claim to and I wrote copiously about it. Having been around many Welsh art galleries, institutions and natural/historic places (parents again!) I had a fair idea. It was fair to say that there were many borrowed concepts (in 'Welsh history') and also attempts to forge a stronger concept of history through Eisteddfods and such. The Welsh language had, at different times also been banned from being spoken in schools. Newer Welsh artists were forming their own discourse too. Although mainly in North-Waleian dialect (don’t get them mixed up whatever you do)!
When I finished university my first port of call was to try and get a job at a Welsh art gallery – I had an art degree after all! As it turned out Welsh Arts Council funding had been severely cut and the galleries only accepted unpaid volunteers. I then applied to work at Welsh cultural institutions and museums. How was anyone to make any money from art? - I wondered - and why, being Welsh, did I need to speak Welsh (although I loved the language) in order to work at places, where (at the time) the majority of visitors (including the Welsh ones) did not?
Years on from this, I am living and working as a Welsh artist and musician in Wales. I still don’t speak fluent Welsh. I can however tell you all about my country, its history, its flora and fauna, art, music, food and drink. We (Thomas & Muse) have started using Welsh spoken word in our performances. Sometimes I feel like I’m being slightly cynical doing this. The language lends itself so well to poetry, but sometimes I get the overriding feeling that someone will know that I’m not a speaker of Welsh and I’ll be exposed as an outsider of the 'Welsh crew' (if there even is one). It’s great to learn a language and to know our heritage, but should this determine our opportunities in life? I admire people who have taken it upon themselves to learn Welsh, especially as adults. I'm finding more and more people are now learning Welsh. there seems to be a rise in Welsh language based festivals, Welsh language based bands and opportunities for artists and musicians that make Welsh a necessity.
I feel that I am very Welsh. But have arrived at a contentment regarding my own Welshness for now. I will learn Welsh because I want to, not to increase my Welshness or to gain me the favour of the Welsh arts/music scene or because it is a hip thing to do. If I learn Welsh as an artist I’ll use it in my art and as a singer. I will use it lyrically with a greater understanding. But I won’t flaunt it as a badge of ‘real Welshness’ because that can alienate others and because it's not what makes me Welsh. The question remains however. Am I Welsh enough? I don’t think it really matters. Wales is only one of the many interesting places on this big planet, in an even bigger universe. We are in fact all very small and it is the diversity of our world that makes us greater together.